The first month or two of being a mom, whether it's your first or second time, can be some really dark days ladies. "Dark Days!!!" (again Tessa's term) No one talks about how hard it is. You've given birth and are flooded with emotion. You are so amazed and blessed that you are meeting your baby and sharing this moment with your beloved family....and you are overwhelmed by the task at hand.
It has been a dark time for me...(Even though nanny frustration isn't helping, I am day 3 of no nanny! More on that later.) Coco's crying a lot because of acid reflux, and hubby and I are just plain exhausted from the late night feedings. We are barely alive but then have a spunky 2 1/2 year old to contend with. He wants to party I am telling you! Party starts at 6am, skipping and dancing and I literally feel hungover from lack of sleep.
Coco is now 5 weeks and she is adorable, but the isolation of these first days are tough. I cannot thank enough people who have brought us meals, visited, and told me their stories of motherhood and their "dark days".
I often wonder how in the world Mothers did this back in the fifties. Was there quiet desperation? Things not spoken about? Or were grandmothers and sisters living down the street who were helping and neighbors to the rescue? I have great neighbors but I am home ALONE with these two!
The loneliness you feel as you sit there, burping your baby with spit up in your hair, your body hanging in places it never did before, bleary eyed trying to remember if you paid the gas bill, is palpable. You feel like a one trick pony. No longer are you a wife, a woman, a sassy gal on the town...you are a walking boob. A feeding device. An exhausted hag who needs an eyebrow wax.
No time for phone calls, lunch dates, or fancy dinners out. You are house bound and losing track of days. Where did your life go?
Let's make a pact shall we? That we will share our dark days openly and not feel judged for not being perfect or handling it all. That we will show up to new mothers houses with lasagnas and tissues. That we will look for support and not suffer alone.
I know my dark days will turn into some gorgeous good times with my beautiful boy and girl...I just have to be where I am and do the best I can do. Just had to tell you the truth, the while reason I started this blog was to share the good and bad.
How about you Moms? Ever had these dark days? Come on share. It will do us all some good!
xoxo The Mrs.
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