You may have felt clutter was bad for you but.....CLUTTER in Feng Shui terms is: STUCK ENERGY.
The essence of cluttered spaces – as well as the
dominant energy of people who live in cluttered spaces – is based on FEAR mixed with PESSIMISM.
Whoa.
Clearing clutter is NOT EASY.
I have CLUTTER....
Okay A LOT of CLUTTER....
Okay....maybe I'm a low level hoarder.....
I mean I don't have trash everywhere but I do have things from 3 years ago that are still in a pile TO DO.
And you know what staring at that 3 year old pile of TO DO feels like? That TO DO feels like DOODOO and I'm not kidding!!! So I threw it out. All of it. Wasn't even sure what it was. FELT DAMN GOOD. BUT IT'S HARD.
Did you know that the part of the brain which experiences the same
pain as break up or losing a loved one is the same part that feels the
pain of letting clutter go???!!!!
I, like other Moms, am hanging on by my fingernails trying to remember school parties, homework, house projects, bills due, clothes to the cleaners, gifts to buy, packages to ship...there is a lot to get CLUTTERED about!
To really RID YOURSELF OF CLUTTER you need to:
BE BRAVE. COMMIT. AND...
Bring good energy to the process. Light, music, joy to the process. Otherwise you'll quit. Give up. And STOP.
You may know that clutter EXHAUSTS you. Makes you feel HOPELESS. OUT OF CONTROL. But what if I told you it makes you POOR!!!??
YEP.
Once you de-clutter, you’re not spending money on things you don’t need. The clutter
has been removed and with it all that old, stagnant energy. You’ve
opened the door for money to flow into your life!
How do you keep a clutter free home? Have any tips to share?
David Bowies death was sad. A legend like that, you would like to live forever. David Bowie touched so many of our lives. Including my little seventh grade one.
In seventh grade I moved to a new school. I had graduated from 6th grade and my little elementary school and moved on to the big leagues. A school three times the size, this junior high was intimidating to say the least. My friends I had clung to were now in other classes, other buildings, other lunch areas and I never saw them. I had to forge a new life for myself.
I remember meeting new kids who were so free with their identities and expression. I, on the other hand, had fallen into a group in elementary school and dressed like them, talked like them, and was entirely not myself. In addition this was reinforced by the fact that any time I stepped out of bounds fashion wise or in any way, I would by shamed into going right back. There was a uniform required to be in this group. There were no deviations accepted and I was to consider myself lucky to be in the group at all. I put on my pearls, head band, and corduroys and kept my mouth shut.
In junior high, and no longer with my copycat posse, I was exposed and alone. In short I was terrified. My uniform was no longer my armor. In fact it made me stick out. I didn't know what to do. I spent the first part of the year just trying to keep my head above water. Then I started meeting some girls I felt like I could really bond with. Girls that would end up my life long friends. They loved my humor and my way of looking at things. Still, I was dressing like my old gang. Too afraid to be singled out. I watched as my new friends took chances with fashion and I remained scared. Soon I was getting attention from new boys (because of my new group). Again, I was not comfortable. I remember looking in the mirror and saying: "who are you!?" Not long after that David Bowie released: Let's Dance. My thirteen year old mind was swimming. I loved the video and watched it incessantly.
I loved his sex appeal. His strength. I loved his individuality. I listened to the lyrics.
(Let's Dance) Put on your red shoes and dance the blues (Let's Dance) To the song they're playing on the radio (Let's Sway) While color lights up your face (Let's Sway) Sway through the crowd to an empty space
[Chorus] If you say run, I'll run with you If you say hide, we'll hide Because my love for you Would break my heart in two If you should fall, into my arms And tremble like a flower
(Let's Dance) For fear your grace should fall (Let's Dance) For fear tonight is all (Let's Sway) You could look into my eyes (Let's Sway) Under the moonlight, this serious moonlight
It was brave. It was powerful. I was inspired.
I went out shopping that week with my Mom and picked out clothes I liked. No one else. My Mom was encouraging. Most importantly, I got a pair of red shoes. Red "Mia" flats with pointy toes. Edgy. Brave. Cool.
I showed up to school Monday morning like I owned the place. People noticed. I got a lot of positive comments. Some negatives ones too. I didn't care. I was myself. I looked the way I felt. I looked like me. I put on my RED SHOES. I think about what those little red flat shoes gave me the courage to do. Like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz they always kept me brave and safe.
I need to remember this NOW as life challenges me in different ways.... I think I need a new pair of red shoes.
Now that you've asked the most important questions of yourself from my previous post, the next step in the goal setting process is determining your PRIORITIES.
This may seem obvious but believe me it's VERY important. Most people spend 85% of their lives not doing anything that is a priority in their life. By setting priorities you will learn what is NOT a priority and you can feel free to say NO! How about that!?
I have learned most of this amazing goal setting from the goal setting queen MONEY SAVING MOM- Crystal. I just LOVE her!
So here we go. Next on the goal setting list: Create a list of 5 or 6 priorities.
Priorities are personal and are very specific to this season in your life. I will share a few of mine to get you started:
1. Having a more connected relationship with my husband- After being married for 13 years this year, I want to ensure that my husband and I make our relationship a priority. The kids, finances, work all seem to take precedence over our relationship. I want to put him first and take time to be together.
2. The Warrior Moms- I want to get my new venture off the ground in a big way in 2016.
3. A fairly clean and organized home- I have been living a pretty cluttered life in my house and just barely keeping up with the mess. I want more peace in my home and that means less clutter!
4. Deeper relationship with my children- as my kids get older and grow and change I want to enjoy, teach, and connect more deeply with them.
These are a few of my priorities. After determining these the next step is to create focus areas within these priorities. 4-5 things for each priority item. Again here are mine to help you get started:
1. Connected relationship with my husband-
-Spend more one on one time
- find more things we have in common
- adventures together
- date nights
- find mentor couples to model after
2. The Warrior Moms-
-Create more connection on the website
-Find sponsors
-budget for first event
-Begin compiling stories for book -get people to subscribe to my website
3. Clean and Organized Home
- develop a cleaning schedule
-punch list for house
-de-clutter and organize
4. Deeper relationship with the kids-
-find ways to connect individually with each child
-one on one time
-fun nights together/ adventures
Now it's your turn! You can share your goals with me by email or comment and I will support you.
I don't know about you but I am ready to kiss 2015 GOODBYE. I am ready to leave a lot behind. I am ready to embrace and get a hold of some significant parts of my life.
I am ready for TRANSFORMATION.
Can I get an AMEN??
The first step is getting focused on what is really important. A LOT of important time is wasted on things that are not important. An easy trap to fall into!
1) Who am I? 2) What do I want? 3) How can I serve? and I added another: 4) What makes me happy?
You can meditate on this and then write it down. The funny thing is, when I started this I only had a few things for each category. Now I have 10!
Here are a few of mine:
1) Who Am I?
Mother of two amazing kids.
A wife who is committed.
A seeker who wants to learn. 2) What do I want?
Health and wellness for myself and my family
A purpose driven life
Financial freedom 3) How can I serve?
As a mother/ teacher to my children
On the board of Junior League
With The Warrior Moms- helping women rise to their greatest potential 4) What makes me happy?
Deep conversations with good friends
Reading
Hot yoga!
Try this exercise and join me on my journey! Let's make 2016 everything we hope for!
Every Fall, once the kids are back in school and my sanity starts to return, I remember to put myself back on the list.
I start to remember that I MATTER.
And one of the ways I treat myself is..... to treat myself like a well oiled machine and take myself in for maintenance!! Dentist,
gyno, mole check, physical and mammogram all happen in September and
October ( just in time for breast cancer awareness month!)
Back to school is a good time to remember to take care of yourself. After all if you weren't here who would do everything!?
Take
this time to book all your appointments. Get a TUNE UP.
My Grandmother passed away a few weeks ago. Although she lived a long life, it still hit me hard. She was my last living grandparent, the end of an era for me. I was so thankful she had spent time with my kids, but selfishly, I felt old. I was no longer was somebody's grandbaby.
The funeral, in my gorgeous hometown of Raleigh, North Carolina, was a nice tribute to her. She was a war bride, had many friends and was a devout christian. I was barely able to stop crying. I was just so SAD she was gone.
Then my Father said something that, at the time, made it even worse.
"Well, it didn't turn out like she wanted."
I was FLOORED. It was devastating to me. She had spent her life as a devoted friend, wife, mom and christian and still....I wasn't even sure what my Father meant by it. I didn't ask. It just struck me. What were her dreams? Goals? What had she hoped for?
When I die would people say the same about me?
Part of "Losing My Fabulous" was this feeling of being LOST. Not knowing what direction to go in next. Feeling stuck. Feeling unsatisfied. Feeling unmotivated and depressed. Nothing seemed to be working. Was this my destiny?
On my way home to LA I became MORE sad, until two women magically came into my life on my travels home.
One gave me a great idea. She took something I had been thinking about and made me think of it in a BIGGER WAY.
And the other, made me feel loved enough to follow through with it. She let me know that the universe was on my side.
These divine encounters, and a meeting with some of my key board members has lead me to launch: WARRIOR MOM.
It encompasses the way I have been feeling, things I have written about and all my passions. I hope you'll follow along and see where this takes me. Where it takes US!
Thank you for always supporting me and encouraging me and sharing your stories! I hope I am inspiring you, making you think, and prompting you to action. Stay tuned for more on THE WARRIOR MOMS by following on Instagram and Twitter. This is going to be BIG.
I'm going to tell you something. I'm like the rest of you. I have a to do list a mile long. I am constantly feeling like I can never get it all done. There is always more emails to answer, work to be done, laundry to clean, and bills to pay. It's ENDLESS.
Knowing this you'd think I'd let myself off the hook? NOOOOOO.....I don't cut myself a break. I do what I am told, go where I am asked, and wake up and do it all over again. Lot's of responsibility and no taking care of myself.
I can remember a very tearful Wynona Judd telling Oprahshe forgot to put herself on the list. She had been through so many bad things and struggles and was not taking care of herself. Hence her weight gain and other issues.
The other day I got sick of myself.
I let the living room by messy. I let the laundry pile up. I let those emails go un answered.
And I took a walk. I exercised. It felt great.
And then I did something REALLY RADICAL.
I SWAM IN MY OWN DAMN POOL.
The pool I NEVER go in because:
I don't want to get my hair wet. I don't have enough time. I need to do laundry. The kids are splashing too much. I don't want anyone to see me in a bathing suit. I don't want to put on a bathing suit. It's too cold. It's too hot....and on and on.
Yes I SWAM IN MY OWN DAMN POOL. AND IT FELT GREAT.
I got my damn hair wet too. That pool has been sitting in my back yard for years and I can count on one hand the number of times I have swam in that thing. What the heck??
I am so busy trying to be there for my kids, husband, job, house I will put anything on the list before myself. A swim in the pool was just too indulgent. PLEASE.
Lot's of women will do NOTHING for themselves. They literally have to be FORCED to. You may not have a pool but you know what I am talking about. When is the last time you: READ A DAMN BOOK? CALLED A DAMN FRIEND YOU WANT TO TALK TO? WENT TO A DAMN MOVIE? HAD LUNCH WITH A DAMN GOOD FRIEND?
Well I want you to DO IT TODAY. Put yourself at the top of the list and feel DAMN PROUD you did. I'm giving you permission. And tell that voice in your head it better KEEP IT'S DAMN MOUTH SHUT!
I used to covet perfection. The perfect outfit, party, relationship all the surface things. It wasn't that I didn't have depth, it was just that I liked things to be just...PERFECT.
As I got older I started realizing this was getting tougher and tougher to accomplish. After a perfect wedding to a perfect husband I went through some very imperfect infertility. It made me question everything in my life. I thought getting pregnant would be a snap. Not so much.
After in vitro and finally getting pregnant I got back to my usually perfect ways with the perfect baby shower. Little did I know what was around the corner. My perfectionism was about to get it's REAL rude awakening. I thought I had it all back together but....
Having Landon changed all of that. When you have a child who is born with an issue of any sort, especially an ongoing one, or one that is life changing, it takes the perfectionism you're suffering from and just throws it up against the wall and smashes it.
Even when Landon came home with a less than perfect right arm I still longed for perfection. I tried to get back on the perfection horse. It was no use.
Over the last few really tough years in finances, marriage, kids and life....I have come to appreciate: BROKEN-NESS.
In people, animals, things...all of it.
There was a Lilly Pulitzer store going out of business, the woman was so upset, beautiful store and she couldn't keep it going...she was selling EVERYTHING. She was humiliated but called me to come in and buy. I looked at a fog necklace and she said oh you don't want that, it only has one foot. It's broken.
Guess what:
I bought it. Turns out the broken-ness is the good stuff.
Some of my best friends have been broken in many ways, and still are, and it's what makes me LOVE them, relate to them and able to have the best conversations. They don't wear their broken-ness like victims, they choose to share it when they feel it's important. Life is not our perfect Facebook posts, and instagram pictures. Life is really TOUGH. It breaks us. That broken-ness pulls us together and let's us connect. Don't hide that broken-ness. That is what makes you who you are.
Embracing my broken-ness is not easy.It's hard to admit when things are going BAD. GETTING WORSE and seem UNFIXABLE. But if that's where you are. That's where YOU ARE. It's not forever. It will change and evolve.
Looking down at my frog necklace reminds me were all BROKEN in one way or another. Does this mean I'm going to stop monogramming things? Dressing up? Setting a pretty table? HELL NO. It means that when someone admits their BROKEN-NESS to me I will share my own. And when I feel broken and scared I will share this with my closest friends and get comfort.
WE ARE ALL BROKEN. Time to FACE it. ADMIT it and EMBRACE it.
Do you have a personal board of directors? If not YOU NEED ONE!
Whenever I am at a place of change, renewal or just STUCK IN A RUT, I consult my board. Yes I have my own personal board of directors in my life. I may not meet with them all at once, or take all of their advice, but they are guiding, encouraging and inspiring me. They might not even KNOW they're doing it!
I came up with this idea after sharing my ideas with the WRONG people. When you share your ideas and dreams with a NON BOARD MEMBER, you are left unsupported, discouraged and depressed. The negativity will KILL YOUR CREATIVITY and WRECK YOUR FUTURE. Sound dramatic? It is! THIS IS SERIOUS! THIS IS YOUR LIFE!!!
This is why you need a Personal Board Of Directors.
Here's how it works:
You are going to select 10 people to be on your board. The people do not need to know each other, live near by, or talk to you every day. The key is to get 10 diverse people. 10 people who you admire, look up to, and feel understand you deeply. 10 diverse people from different walks of life. These people may not be your best friends. For example, one lady on my board is MY EYEBROW LADY. She is like a Dali Llama of perfect advice and encouragement. Think outside the box!
Get out a piece of paper and start creating your board list. Remember you don't have to TELL ANYONE who is on your board or if they're on your board. This is a list of people you can SHARE YOUR IDEAS with and get positive feedback. They can help you create and achieve a VISION FOR YOUR LIFE.
Usually family members are NOT board members but there are always exceptions to that rule. My sister in law is on my board and always helps me to see the future more clearly. She knows me and knows what would be good for me.
Once your have your list (you can even start with a board of 3 people until you find your full board), keep it in a special place to refer to. When you are having trouble in your life, or are wanting to make a big change or a wonderful opportunity comes your way you can ask a board members advice and weigh your choices. It's great knowing you are supported no matter what!
The board can change, and grow as you do. You can kick someone off the board if you need to! That's why it's best to NOT TELL THEM THEY'RE ON IT!
Remember this:
AMAZING people—those worthy of being personal board
members—tend to be unusually generous with their time. They give of themselves
for the development of others. This level of generosity requires that you be highly
selective about when to call on them. For daily or noncritical
decisions, do not contact your board members. Keep the list of your board members easily accessible (on the wall,
in a wallet, in your nightstand) and make sure when you call on them you are ready to present something or get big advice. Otherwise you can hold imaginary board
meetings, envisioning what each board member might say about a
given situation. Who's worthy enough to be on your board?
I have been reading her blog, A Blonde Ambition, on and off for a while. I knew she was having heart issues but, she DIED?
There is an instagram post from a week ago.
There are two young babies.
There is a husband.
AND SHE'S JUST GONE.
This is hitting me on so many levels.
First- I have developed heart issues. I am on heart meds and need to take better care of myself. BECAUSE I DON'T.
Second, Leslie was so grateful. In the hospital, away from her girls for weeks and months, and she was a grateful happy person. The kind of person who should be around a long time to be an example for others. She was even grateful for her health.
Leslie understood being someones cheerleader was really important:
"One of the things this little medical fiasco has also shown me is the
importance of encouraging others who may be going through tough things.
The emails, words of encouragement and prayer have been so appreciated,
and it has been a great reminder that I need to do more of that for
others. I'd love to be able to incorporate the blog into that somehow
and I'm excited to explore that idea more. We could all use our own
personal cheerleaders sometimes, don't you think?"
Leslie offers up a warning here inTHIS POST. That if you are feeling TIRED. REALLY TIRED. And you don't really have a reason to be SO TIRED, it could be a heart problem. She was a new mom, exhausted like the rest of us. She knew she was REALLY TIRED and instead told herself to keep pushing. SUCK IT UP she told herself.
READ:
"If you are more tired than normal, if something just doesn't feel right,
if you feel like you can't get enough sleep even though you technically
are - SAY SOMETHING. DO SOMETHING. WAVE THE WHITE FLAG. I didn't. I just thought I was tired from chasing a toddler and caring
for an 8-week-old. I thought I just needed to suck it up, drink some
caffeine and stop complaining.
In reality, I was having major heart trouble."
She just had a baby months ago. They will never again get to have their Mother. This kills me.
Donate to the girls college and wedding fund here: GO FUND ME
And read Leslies Blog and learn from her. Learn about her. Pass on what she's telling us.
And hug your babies.
And be grateful.
And BE GOOD TO YOURSELF.
Get your heart checked regularly. If you're TIRED and you know something is wrong...... DON'T SUCK IT UP.
With my non fabulous self in tow, I headed to the beach. I needed a break.
I needed:
I started to feel BETTER. Still there was something NOT QUITE RIGHT. I know there's more digging to do. More excavating....
With all the bad stuff that seemed to eat me alive, I started noticing that it was the little things that were making me feel happy. Things like:
My old dog feeling like her old self playing frisbee....
The kids doing a puzzle quietly together.....
And a sunset.....
I'm slowly building on the little things, learning to de stress, and CALM DOWN. Deep breaths.....#SummerSlowDown2015 is my hashtag. See all my slow down moments on Instagram here ONE FABULOUS MOM.
Thanks for your encouragement. It helps when I know what worked for you!
I've realized the first step to "Finding Your Fabulous" is to get the hell away from everyone. You need to BE ALONE.
You
don't want to stay there forever but you can't avoid it either.
I'm a
social butterfly so this really freaks people out. But since I have no
filter and no politeness left I need to ONLY be around people who
support me and make me feel good.
When
you're down there is a tendency to pick up the phone, dial a friend and
talk it out. But when you have truly LOST YOUR FABULOUS this is only a
band aid. When you have truly lost your fabulous you need to sort some
things out ALONE.
You just need a minute to process things.
Think about what has gotten you in this situation. You need to ask
yourself how the hell did this all happen???
The answers aren't
pretty sometimes. Right beneath the surface is that feeling of:
"Did I
bring this on myself?"
In some cases YES.
You avoided something again and AGAIN and it's
come back upon you TEN FOLD.
I always think of that Oprah show
where she talked about signs, symbols of when God is whispering to you. A
funny feeling, a time you say huh....but then you let it go and drink
your wine. But then a bigger sign comes, and a bigger one and a bigger
one. Soon that little feeling, that huh? becomes a WTF?!
It feels like it's out of the blue but guess what? IT'S NOT.
So in losing my fabulous I am realizing that I put off some things, avoided some things and made some bad choices.
I'm kinda wanting to beat myself up about it too. Which I hate. I can't let it go. I'm PISSED. I know I'll get through it...and I appreciate your words of encouragement and sharing about you losing your Fabulous because THAT HELPS.
Still figuring it all out. In the mean time this is my new mantra:
That's not true. I
do. I guess I don't know the exact moment. Sometime, in the middle of
working, tending to family, volunteering, socializing, dealing with friendship dynamics, family dynamics, dealing with
minor crises, dealing with major crises, dealing with people with bad
attitudes, hearing unkind words, financial issues and just bad juju.....
I lost my fabulous.
I
didn't think I had really lost it all together. Even amidst emotionally
devastating happenings I was able to still bounce back a little. Go out
to dinner. Put on the Lilly Pulitzer....
But then my heart was
broken. My dreams were dashed. Things got worse. And soon, looking
around and then looking in the mirror. I realized: I lost my fabulous.
You
may think this is funny coming from One Fabulous Mom. And truthfully I
started this blog because I was feeling less than Fabulous and wanted to
get it back.
But things have piled up too big to ignore. And my heart is broken. So friends, no more fabulous. And I have to face it. After all the definition of crisis is: a difficult or dangerous situation that needs serious attention. And so, this does.
I'm
hoping I can get it back. Right now I have no clue how. But since I
know some if you are in the same boat...I'll keep you posted. I'll take
you on my journey. And if you have lost your fabulous you are not alone.
And if you are getting it back I applaud you. And if you never lost it,
trust me one day you will.
So let's do this together. Join me on my journey Find My Fabulous. Stay tuned...
Lisa Nichols, if you have not heard her speak or read one of her books, is kind of a whirling dervish of realness and humor and love. She is just someone you could listen to forever and her story is COMPELLING.
She went from public assistance to MILLIONAIRE. I watched this video and I could NOT TURN IT OFF.
One of the things she talked about that really struck me was when she asked:
What are you an EXPERT in? Everybody's an expert in something. Good or bad. She claimed that she was an expert in GETTING BACK UP. She had been knocked down so many times she could not count. She was not looking at that with negativity but instead saying she was an expert in PULLING HERSELF together and MOVING ON.
WOW.
I feel it. I feel like I'm an EXPERT IN GETTING BACK UP too. I don't want to be. I wish I wasn't sometimes. BUT I AM.
I got back up when my parents divorced
I got back up when I couldn't have a baby
I got back up when artificial insemination didn't work
I got back up when my baby didn't come home from the hospital for 52 days
I got back up when my baby had a stroke
I got back up when they told me he might lose his arm.
I got back up when I got the 100th medical bill
I got back up when they tried to throw me out of preschool for blogging
I got back up when we almost lost our house
I got back up when my daughter was in the hospital for weeks with an illness we couldn't name
I got back up when my company went under
I GOT BACK UP!
And it's hard to get back up. And sometimes I DON'T WANT TO GET BACK UP. And lately I feel myself having to GET BACK UP AGAIN.
But I am reminded. I AM AN EXPERT IN GETTING BACK UP.
This is a great money saving trick that really works.
Menu Planning Monday is a way for you to get organized for the week. I usually organize all of this on a Sunday. I love trying new recipes and seeing what I can do!
Here's our meals this week:
Monday- Salad and Stacked Chicken Enchiladas from Gimme Some Oven!
Living in California many of us Mom's have pools. Swimming playdates and parties are frequent. On one such occasion a friend of mine came to a pool party and immediately stripped down and jumped in the pool. The other Moms stared. She looked around.
"Is nobody going in the pool? Do we not do that?"
Sadly, we don't.
Whether it's we haven't shaved, have not worked out enough, don't want to get our hair wet or are just too tired, we Mom's don't get in the pool. It's sad.
I watch the kids playing in the pool with reckless abandon. Jumping off the side of the pool making crazy faces and poses. I see them squirt each other with water guns and use our floating toys as surf boards. Their joy is palpable.
Don't get me wrong, we Moms are having our laughs, sharing, chatting but...
We're not jumping in the pool.
It seems the weight of all our responsibilities is too heavy. We might sink to the bottom of the pool. We're trying to keep our lives afloat through first days of school, homework, job stress, making dinner, making time for our husbands, working out, or not working out, laundry, caring for pets, caring for parents, social obligations, and steeling ourselves from run ins with mean Moms who might say "Oh my GOD did you see her in a bathing suit? I would never show my body if it looked like THAT."
My friends innocent jumping in the pool and looking at us saying "Do we not do that?"
Made me realize. No we don't.
I want you to make a pact with me. The next time you are at a pool party, a swim playdate, a vacation, an indoor pool, or even the YMCA....jump in the pool. Get your hair wet. Let your kids see you have fun and not worry about all there is to do. Let yourself not worry about how you look or what everyone else thinks. Hold my hand. Let's jump together.
Seems like the older I get the more hard times people are facing. I mean really hard times. It's easy to be with someone when things are fabulous....
But can you sit......
In the PIT?
The pit of despair? Divorce? Cancer? Infertility? Aging parents? Sick kids? Alcoholism? Drug abuse? Can you sit with someone while they go through this? Can you sit with yourself while you go through this?
It's tough.
When I was in the PIT. People came to sit with me. Not everyone could do it. One time my PIT was 52 days in the NICU with Landon. People visiting had to endure seeing one pound babies going into constant cardiac arrest. There were tears. There were hands held. There were a thousand prayers said.
Another PIT was at Childrens Hospital for three weeks with Coco. Mystery illness with no end in site. People came. They sat in the pit. They talked me off the ledge. They brought me lunch. They brought me dinner. They cried with me.
The pit is scary because we're sometimes not sure of it's the bottom or we have to GO DEEPER. Going deeper than we're used to is frightening but enlightening. This is when we REALLY FIND OUT WHO WE ARE. It's intense. For us and our friends. That's why not everyone can do it.
Please I beg you. If you have a friend who is in the PIT. Go sit with them. Even being there, bearing witness, means everything. Show them they are NOT ALONE.
The PIT may even be grabbing a drink with a friend even though you're
tired. Or showing up with a meal. Or meeting for coffee. PITS can be
mental and physical after all.
AND if you're in the PIT you will make it out. There will be light coming in. Just wait for it.
I'm going to visit a friend in the PIT Tuesday while she has her second round of chemo. I'm scared. For her, for me, not knowing what to say or do....but I'm going. I have to. Because anyone who's been in the PIT knows. YOU HAVE TO GO. BE BRAVE. Because you are someone's lifeline today.
He makes the argument that he was growing up there were no scheduled playdates. He thinks things are getting too elaborate, too planned, too over scheduled.
I do agree that kids need spontaneity and to be BORED sometimes so they can create and be self sufficient BUT, so no to play dates? NO WAY.
Playdates are not just for the kids, THEY'RE FOR THE MOTHERS. There has been many a playdate, where I or a Mom have divulged our deepest, darkest, secret fears of parenting, relationships, our parents, our nannys, our husbands and kids. We get support, advice, guidance, love and LAUGHS from these playdates. We socialize our kids, help them work things out, build relationships and grow. Mom's need to rid themselves of the feeling of total isolation and the guilt of parenting. They need to feel heard and accepted. That's what playdates are for.
No, you don't have to put out a cheese plate (although guess what I DO!), but being a gracious host also shows your kids something ALL kids are lacking now. MANNERS. To treat someone else graciously in your home. They learn that they can't have it their way all the time, their "guest" gets to choose too. They negotiate and build friendships.
So before we start throwing the playdates out the window, let's consider the other side. What do you think? Are playdates a waste of time? Ruining our kids? Or are they your lifeline? Your key to your kids social development? Weigh in!
Truth is I took on two major commitments. President of Landon's school's PTO (Parent Teacher Organization) and Communications Director for the Junior League! Both of these things, combined with end of the year craziness have kept me really busy.
Coco graduated from preschool last week. This was such a bittersweet moment. On the one hand, she's ready, and cannot wait to go to Kindergarten. She's prepared.
But then I realized that this was my BABY. My baby girl I hoped and prayed for. She's growing up. I watched her graduation with pride and dread. I feel her independent spirit growing.
I love who she's becoming. She's the most fun to be around.
But....this is the end of an era. I have been at this precious preschool for 7 years. From Mommy and Me all the way up to leaving for kindergarten. With two kids. We have made wonderful friends, our kids have made wonderful friends, and they have gotten the best education. Even at this young age they have been nurtured and loved by their amazing teachers and have learned so much!
I woke up in a panic the night after her graduation. It's over!
I calmed down. It's just the beginning.
No one tells you that this parenting thing is the highest highs, lowest lows and heart pangs that feel like a panic attack. I'm feeling the feelings, I'm looking to the future...and I'm taking all the pictures and videos I can!
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