But can you sit......
In the PIT?
The pit of despair? Divorce? Cancer? Infertility? Aging parents? Sick kids? Alcoholism? Drug abuse? Can you sit with someone while they go through this? Can you sit with yourself while you go through this?
It's tough.
When I was in the PIT. People came to sit with me. Not everyone could do it. One time my PIT was 52 days in the NICU with Landon. People visiting had to endure seeing one pound babies going into constant cardiac arrest. There were tears. There were hands held. There were a thousand prayers said.
Another PIT was at Childrens Hospital for three weeks with Coco. Mystery illness with no end in site. People came. They sat in the pit. They talked me off the ledge. They brought me lunch. They brought me dinner. They cried with me.
The pit is scary because we're sometimes not sure of it's the bottom or we have to GO DEEPER. Going deeper than we're used to is frightening but enlightening. This is when we REALLY FIND OUT WHO WE ARE. It's intense. For us and our friends. That's why not everyone can do it.
Please I beg you. If you have a friend who is in the PIT. Go sit with them. Even being there, bearing witness, means everything. Show them they are NOT ALONE.
The PIT may even be grabbing a drink with a friend even though you're tired. Or showing up with a meal. Or meeting for coffee. PITS can be mental and physical after all.
AND if you're in the PIT you will make it out. There will be light coming in. Just wait for it.
I'm going to visit a friend in the PIT Tuesday while she has her second round of chemo. I'm scared. For her, for me, not knowing what to say or do....but I'm going. I have to. Because anyone who's been in the PIT knows. YOU HAVE TO GO.
BE BRAVE.
Because you are someone's lifeline today.
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10 comments:
Well said...!
True, true, true and very well thought out and written.
Prayers for your friend.
-Linda, NY
Perfectly said…. Hope Coco is at 100%.
So nice, honestly written from you big heart xo
you are a great show-er upper liz. and you call all of us to be better at it. h
as for someone who has gone through cancer, just showing up is enough
GREAT post. I think this is the biggest ting we can do for those we love. I have sat with a friend through chemo. She didn't really want to talk. Just wanted someone there. i bought easy to read magazines and he favorite juice. I guess drinking is very important during chemo.
Lately, I have had friends whose marriages are crumbling (it is the age/stage). So hard to sit in the pit with them. I am a marriage counselor. These stories shake my faith in marriage and people. It is so hard but I am there for them. This is a great post and just being there and being a warm body who is not afraid to show up is important.
GREAT post. I think this is the biggest ting we can do for those we love. I have sat with a friend through chemo. She didn't really want to talk. Just wanted someone there. i bought easy to read magazines and he favorite juice. I guess drinking is very important during chemo.
Lately, I have had friends whose marriages are crumbling (it is the age/stage). So hard to sit in the pit with them. I am a marriage counselor. These stories shake my faith in marriage and people. It is so hard but I am there for them. This is a great post and just being there and being a warm body who is not afraid to show up is important.
Very insightful post. Thank you for your thoughtful words!
This is one of your best posts ever! One of the most important things is that most people in the PIT will not ask for help. You are so right when you say 'just show up'.
Thank you for all of us who have been there.
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