Magic & Miracles Please.

I knew it this was coming. The older Landon gets the more the condition of his arm, the nightly exercises and surgery every year start to build, the more I feel the tension grow.

For the most part we lead normal lives. We are not victims here. We are grateful to have this arm....We believe in MAGIC & MIRACLES.

But last week, in the darkness of bedtime, the honest feelings came to the surface, the snuggling was not enough, there were questions and Landon wanted answers.

In general I hate questions what start with why.  I don't think "why me?" benefits anyone. Landon however, being 10, has a right to ask. Sometimes I feel so angry he has to deal with all of this. He just wants to be happy and keep it moving like his Mama. So when the tears came I have to admit, they came for me too. It was heartbreaking.

I let him have his feelings and tried to bring the gratitude forward. He wanted the full story, the real story of his birth, so I told him. He listened intently and had more questions. He's heard it before but I went a little DEEPER.

I tried not to DROWN as I did. I kept the faith.

When the questions were done we snuggled. There was nothing else to say.

I have been doing a lot to keep any negativity, and harm from this guy. I have never made him learn to tie his shoes, I cut up his food, I make things easier. I do it for him. Don't get me wrong, he plays piano, writes with his left hand when we feel he was born a righty, and a lot of other things that are hard for him. However I'm starting to realize it's time. Time to push him to be more independent even though it will be painful. Time to be a little more real. We're 10 after all.

Still....Landon believes in Santa, Disneyland, and sleeps with a blankie. He's still my baby. We just need to shift a little. Let the pain in sometimes so it doesn't overwhelm us. So that's what we're gonna do.

And to all the Moms out there, who have a kid with ongoing issues. Whether they're mental, physical, emotional or all of the above... I'm thinking of you. I'm thinking of the daily decisions you make, the doubt you feel, the helplessness. I'm thinking of you're nights with your kids... And I'm sending you love. All my love... And a little MAGIC & MIRACLES.

I'm Getting To Know Landon's Arm

I'm getting to know this arm.

That sounds kind of funny but, it's true. This is not the arm I dreamed of for my son. This is not even the arm he was born with. Today Landon's arm looks like this.

We're getting to know each other, this arm and I.

I realize I have tried to hate it. The torture it puts us through. But I also realize this arm is attached to the greatest human being I've ever met. A human being that needs to grow up at peace with this arm, not hating it. I need to be grateful for this arm, the arm that was saved by god.

God has a plan for this arm that I cannot even fathom. This arm touches people, makes people talk, makes them grateful. This arm is everything. So when I care for this arm, rather than cursing it, I am going to bless it. As it has blessed me.
 
It's hard to see your baby in pain. It's even harder to explain it. Through all of this my inspiration and strength comes from Landon. He wakes up everyday with hope in his heart and joy all over his face. 

This Christmas I find myself living for the joy that he is feeling. Every little thing he discovers is full of wonder.  By the time we get this contraption removed it will be February. I know there will be hard days ahead, but this Christmas I feel nothing but LOVE all around this arm. And that, my lovelies, is a Christmas Miracle.

Landon's Doing Well- but it's a long road

Landon sailed through his surgery and the recovery process. I am amazed at his strength. The night before his surgery he asked why this was happening to him. I told him I believed God has a special plan for him. That God must believe he's very special to require him to have such bravery. I truly believe that.

The night after the surgery was tough. He was in A LOT of pain. My heart hurt for him. You don't want to see your baby in pain. I started to ask myself if we had done the right thing....but the next day he was suddenly back to his old self. Smiling away. I was amazed. This child has resilience I could never have!!!

For the next 6-8 weeks I have tons of fun (non physical) plans for us. We are feeling the spirit of what Christmas is really about.

Thank you for your healing prayers for Landon. They're working.

Prayers for Landon- Bone Lengthening Surgery

Like my new blog look? It was time for a FACELIFT! Make sure you check out my new "about me" page because I love it!

As many of you know, our sweet Landon was born with right arterial thrombosis (blood clots in his right arm). He's been through so much trying to make his special arm the best it can be, and we've made great strides. Every year we have surgery to make room for his arm to grow. Scar tissue tightens the arm and tendons. We release these contractures through surgery and skin graft to make more room.

This year however, we had to be more aggressive. His arm is not growing at the rate we would like, and, in order to avoid a huge discrepancy in the length of his arms, we are doing bone lengthening surgery.

We have really involved Landon in this process and asked him if he wanted to do this. He does, but what it entails is going to be really tough on him. He will spend 6-8 weeks with pins and a bar on the outside of his arm, that need to be turned 4 times a day. Then he goes into casts for another few months to protect the length we've gained. All in all a 6 month process. He's scared. We're scared. We all want this to be as calm and painless as possible.

We would love your prayers as we go into surgery tomorrow. I will document how he's doing from time to time. This is the bravest guy I know. He's been through so much and he's still so happy and sweet. My heart breaks for him but I have to be strong. I know we will be glad about the sacrifices we are making now later on.

Please keep us in your thoughts tomorrow.