Coming Clean- S-E-X


Oh no...she's not going to do this...oh yes...yes I am. I'm going to talk about sex. Look, after health and money this is the fun one! Well, not always fun but still. Actually this picture is pretty hot...where are you hubs!

The whole sex thing can either be something else on the to do list, a release, fun, or a way to reconnect. Usually for most moms it's something on the to do list. We're so exhausted from all our multi-tasking, sex just seems like one more thing to handle in a too busy day. It may be hard to get us in the mood, but once we're there it can be great.

Here are a few of my tips since you know hubby is never going to stop asking for sex!

1) I can't have sex at the end of an exhausting day. It's either early am, or right when baby is in bed, but never just before sleep. I am too tired!

2) I get myself in the mood ahead of time with a glass of wine, bath etc.

3) I try to let it be fun rather than thinking about how much I hate parts of my body. If this means the lights are off fine, if it means they're on, fine. No judgement.

4) You'll feel more giving with sex when you give to yourself. I find that a date night with hubby is a night he usually gets lucky. We're more relaxed. If that can't happen I try to get a little time for me so that I won't be so stingy with hubby.

5) It's a negotiation. Have you ever asked hubby how much sex he wants? This is a negotiation. If neither of you minds having it once a month then fine! But if one person wants more you have to make a deal.

Okay ladies out with it. Are you having sex? How often? Are you feeling guilty about it? Come clean! Post anonymous if you want!

18 comments:

P said...

What? No comments yet. Ok. I am soooo not going to be the first. Let another brave soul come comment on that one, and then I'll be back. ;)

Impoverished Preppy said...

No, I won't publicly post pics of my daughters... but I'll happily talk about my sex life!

Actually - this is one of the areas where DH and I tend to be on the same page. We have occasional dry spells when we're both super stressed, but generally speaking the sex, it is good. And frequent.

Oddly enough, BFF and I were discussing our sex lives yesterday (something we almost NEVER do) and she mentioned that they are "morning people." I confessed that DH and I have only had that type of morning once... 9/11/01... we had never done it before in the am and have not since... we didn't know at the time... we had a great morning and then arrived at work to find out what had happened in NY and DC...

Impoverished Preppy said...

ps - I need your e-mail so I can send you that invite!

Pink in a sea of blue said...

I guess the "negotiation" point hit home with me. We need to find a happy medium I believe. Hubbys will always want sex. You are correct! It's all about finding the correct time for us these days when we're not so exhausted. Can't always be a "to do" item. You really are COMING CLEAN aren't you? What could possibly be next?

WSU Laura said...

I am just going to say DH and I are morning people 2 to 3 times a week. Not too tired and a lovely way to start the day.

Melissa said...

Not married, and no kids, but I live with my boyfriend, so I will contribute anyway!

We're usually on the same page with the frequency of it. There are times with dry spells, usually when we're both really tired and stressed out about work. My boyfriend's softball season can also put a damper on things because he gets tired and they lose a lot, which means he's too depressed to be in the mood for anything!

I totally know what you mean about the compromising tho! My boyfriend is a morning person for sex. I am more of an evening person, so we both have to get in the mood at times we usually aren't to be fair! Once you get going tho, you kind of wonder why you didn't want to do it in the first place!

Hillary and Russell Jordan said...

Yeah, we have it. But it's never enough for him!

Linney Shvede said...

Ya caught me off guard with that one there missy!

Anonymous said...

we have it a few times a week, but my DH would have it every day if possible......we are in our '40's and have been married forever, and sometimes i wonder if he will ever slow down.......

Always Organizing said...

We fool around every few days :) It definitely has been so much better since we moved in together in 2006. Yes, we are living in sin! Fiance is two years younger than me and I don't think he will ever slow down!!! Can't believe I am posting this!!!

Kate said...

Remember how Elaine on Seinfeld would become stupider and stupider the longer she went without sex? That is totally me! Besides reconnecting with my husband - it just clears out the baggage in my head and makes me feel sane.

We have been together for 10 years (married for 6) and I really think sex gets better the longer you are together - you just know what works so even if you are short on time (kids, work, exhaustion) it's still good.

Somewhere Between Pinot and Pacifiers said...

Hmmmm... what is sex? I seem to have forgotten since I have been told by my doctor that I can't have any right now due to these pregnancy complications. I miss it. (sigh)

The Chic Chauffeur said...

Haha. I think you should poll the hubs as well. I would say all the time, and he would say never! We both think it is a super fun hobby tho. The thing is, he does not seem to be affected by a long tiring day at work, and after a long tiring day with the kids, I am definitely affected. I will try a glass of wine or two! (or three. Whoops. now I am asleep!)

Kiki said...

We don't have kids, so we work at it...a lot. Despite our complete failure we manage to have a blast! Heehee, fun post!!!

front&main said...

After having kids I completely lost interest in having sex. So sad. I find that when I go out and do something fun - dinner & drinks with friends, etc. I come home relaxed and more in the mood. Or when my husband & I have managed to get away for a night - then I'm my old self again! Makes for a happy hubby!

kenady said...

I have found that sex has become more fun because I have really begun to like me. I am a size 10 and I have saggy boobs and stretch marks that look like I burned in a fire on my belly and a muffin top... but I also know this is me and a lot of it I really can't fix, so I have come to terms and I have just focused on liking myself. After that, the sex thing is tons more fun!

Anonymous said...

I used to want sex all the time - then I had a child. Now - I never want to have sex with him. I am never in the mood and he is always in the mood. I imagine if I can't get my sex drive back again and a desire for him he will eventually have an affair and then I will have to leave him.

Deanna said...

We are in our mid-40s and have been married almost 27 years. Now that the nest is basically empty (dd is married and ds lives in our guest house) we are having more sex than ever. And it's not just the quantity that has increased but the quality as well.

For those of you with young children at home, I hope that gives you hope for the future. (grin)

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