Come Clean Week- Starting With My Health

There's nothing like shining a light in a dark place. Scary things lose their power when you're brave enough to admit them. I thought this week I would do a series of posts on Coming Clean. I think it's okay to admit you need help, we all do.

I've been dancing around sharing what's going on with me lately. Feeling I might help someone out there, I guess it's time to "Come Clean". Cleaning out the closet is one thing, but cleaning up your life is another. This is not something I want to do so I'm taking you along!

I was so moved by Jill at Who Could Ask For Anything More, posting about her brush with breast cancer. How she was waiting for the other shoe to drop and then it did. And how God is bigger than any shoe.

I have been feeling all of you pray for me and to tell you the truth I need it. My other shoe is starting to drop. I had a series of blood tests done and one of them, the Anti Nuclear Antibody test was positive. Not a big deal always but in my case my level was high (320) and that is indicative of an auto immune disease. Like what you ask? Could be Lupus, MS, Rheumatoid Arthritis, etc.

Now I am hoping and praying it's all a big mistake. I have gone to the dark side and bawled, then come back and said "I feel fine! There can't be anything really wrong." I want to live in "Hopeful Expectation".

I am going to a rheumatologist on Tuesday and she will help me get to the bottom of this.

Going through this has made me aware of two things. First, I don't take care of myself. I put everyone before myself. I run myself ragged until I drop. Then I quickly shop or do my nails for a little treat once in a while to make me feel better. It's dumb and I don't know why I can't give myself quiet time, exercise, or some fun!

Second, I thought after going through infertility and a son with a blood clot in his arm, I thought I was done being a hero in my Turns out the auto immune problem may explain everything. I just feel like I don't know if I'm up for another battle. Of course I will DO IT, but I am tired (see paragraph above).

I don't want to sit here and blame myself, but I do need to start taking better care of me, and stop pretending it's not important.

Do you take care of yourself? If so what's your secret. if not COME CLEAN. You'll feel better. What's the use in pretending!? If you want to know your "Real Age" you can go to the website here. Stay tuned for more clean moments this week!


Lauren said...

I am praying for you today and especially tomorrow. Please keep us updated.

I do take care of myself, but that is because of a whole string of events that happened earlier in my life. That is a whole other story.

I am thinking of this week.

Feener said...

i am so sorry to hear this. I know you are strong enough and will get through it all !

On another note, I write for New Jersey Mom Blogs and they are launching an LA moms site. They are looking for writers (didn't you just say you run yourself ragged and I am contributing to that huh ?) It is not much time - a post every 2 weeks. Great group of woman. Thought you might be interested. If so email me off line at feener44atgmaildotcom.

thinking bout you and saying prayers

kathleen said...

okay so i guess my 'come clean' would be that i'm a complete lurker on yours and a few other blogs and for what it's worth, to be going through all you're going through, i am so impressed that you seem to have it all together all the time - always look great, write such witty thoughts consistently, keep faith and family first, and friends shortly thereafter. just trust in all that you seem to do already and there's no way the outcome won't be positive!

meanwhile - i hope that it doesn't seem weird that i'm writing all of this! i don't have my shit together enough to write a blog!! you're in my thoughts, all the way from Cape Cod!

Brie said...

I think we could probably all probably improve upon the way we take care ourselves. My thoughts are something is better than nothing.

I once read that in order to be the best mom you can be to someone else you need to take care of yourself too. I really believe that!

I hope everything will work out great for you without any major incident, sending lots of prayers and support! xo B

P said...

I'm so sorry. I will definitely keep you in my prayers. I know sometimes it seems like getting the answers you want can take so long, but be patient and prayerful. Before you know it, you can look back and see how much progress you've made and how much stronger you are for it.

Always Organizing said...

Thank you for sharing this with all of us who read. I know you must be going through such a hard time dealing with all of this right now. Please know that you are in the thoughts of many and I will keep you in my prayers.

PW said...

L, As you know, I love you more than my luggage and consider you closer than family.

As you also know, I had a terrible year last year with my Dad and Brother, and all that crap that I won't spell out here. At the end of it, I was totally drained. I was overweight, overworked, underpaid and overwhelmed. I had given just about everything to everybody else. I decided that I would not do that again. I'm no good to anyone if I'm not good to my self. So I did the following: I did a 7 day fast to reset my system - I know, not for everyone - changed the way I ate (no more processed foods etc.) committed to working out 1 hour a day (either morning, noon or night but I have to do it) and I begAn to say "no" once in a while AND yes to me more. Its been 5 months since the plan began and I can say that I feel better, look better(less 25 lbs), am overall a much better place.

I'm incredibly proud of you and I know that whatever this is, and I pray it's nothing, you will get through it with the unwavering love and support of your family and friends.



Anonymous said...

Hoping that everything turns out ok for you and your family. Your great attitude will make these days a little easier I am sure.

I think when you're a super involved parent, you let the taking care of yourself aspect slide a bit. I know I have - hence the herniated disks in my neck.

Take care of yourself!

Belle in Bloom said...

Thinking of you this week and good luck tomorrow. Thanks for sharing this with us. I hope it helps for us as readers to carry some of the burden for you. Boy, it sure is hard to "come clean". I wouldn't know where to start! Have a great week and know you are in my prayers. ((hugs))


Liz (The Preppy Lizard) said...

You will be in my thoughts and prayers...especially tomorrow.

I am sure we all could take better care or oursleves. About a month ago I took my first steps to being a better, healthier me and so far it is paying off and I am feeling so much better.

Melissa said...

:( You're in my prayers.

Pink in a sea of blue said...

Best wishes and prayers coming your way! I'll come clean...soon. I was in a rut and almost depressed over all going on in our household (MIL)so FINALLY I did something for me. I'll post about it soon. I finally started taking care of me! Hang in there!

Sweet Pea Chef said...

You are in my prayers. My sister-in-law has MS and it was caught early, she has almost no symptoms, AND went on to have a second child.

Here's a scripture I felt moved to share:

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Jill@Who Could Ask for Anything More said...

Oh goodness, I am so very sorry and can relate to how you feel. It was so helpful for me to write my blog post and just know that prayers are going out for you and your family at this very difficult time. I tend to be very private and can count on one hand the number of times I've publicly asked for prayer...but it helps SO MUCH to lay it down and trust God for whatever comes. Please do keep us posted and let us know how we can help. And to answer your question...I don't take care of myself as much as I should. I really need to exercise more. I have no one to blame but myself, but that mommy guilt is hard to overcome. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!

Pigtails and Pacifiers said...

I think it is great that you are coming clean. It is so much better that you have other people to help and pray for you through this. Keep in mind God has a plan already in place. Pray for his will.

MB said...

First off, I want to say I love youb blog. I dont comment very often, but I really enjoy reading.

I can relate to how you feel and what you are going through right now. Life is full of surprises...some good...some not so good. I have been there. I am still there. You are such a positive person that I know whatever comes your way you will deal with it.

Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Kiki said...

Mrs., I know that you know we are all thinking of you and praying for you, your faith and family will support you during this time and no matter what will stand by you the strength you need to get through whatever it is God has in mind.

I do not take good care of myself, but I am trying to make better food choices and eat more "whole foods" and less processed ones. I don't really eat fast food, haven't had McDonalds in 10 years, but am trying to be a more conscious eater.

Love to you this know you're in my prayers!!!

MommyK said...

6 years ago, a rheumatologist told me that I have fibromyalgia. My father has it, and I've seen the kind of pain he is in, so I was devastated. Luckily, my symptoms went into remission with my pregnancies, but now I have Hashimotos disease (autoimmune thyroid problem) and I suspect my fibro is coming bacl because I'm always in pain. At the same time, it's good to have a name for something, because then you can deal with it.

Good luck at the rheumatologist, I'll be thinking of you.

Belle-ah said...

I will pray for you, dear blogfriend!

I am not a take care of me - healthwise - I much rather take the denial route!!! So there, I came clean!!!!

Beth G. said...

I just read this and I'm so sorry you are going through such a rough time. I'm sending you the best thoughts today for your appointment. I hope all goes well. Please keep us posted. Whatever it may be you will soldier through it-your family, friends and faith will be your best supporters and who could ask for anything more?

As for coming clean...I just recently (two weeks ago) went to the Dr. because I wasn't taking good care of myself and was trying to take on the world as super mom myself. I felt like I was drowning. After a long talk with the Dr. I now know for sure that asking for help is good and you know what...taking time for yourself is more important that doing the dishes. The dishes can wait but your health and sanity shouldn't have to. Remember to always try and take some time for yourself because if you're not happy and healthy it makes it harder to be the fabulous mom that you are! And you are a fabulous mom!

Somewhere Between Pinot and Pacifiers said...

You will be in my prayers for SURE! Life is so unexpected isn't it? Please keep us posted. I know that you are going to be ok! As for coming clean, I don't take care of myself AT ALL and need to do better. I have a hard time putting aside stuff that needs to be done around the house to do stuff for me. I also do not nurture my friendships as much as I should. I think that is a big part of taking care of yourself too!

Caffeine Court said...

Please keep us posted on the prognosis. Remember that staying healthy is your number one priority.

I'll say a prayer for you.

Michael, Shelby, Charlotte and Maeve said...

thinking of you! I hope you got some answers today.
i know how difficult the unknown can be. I was diagnosed with MS May 14th 2007.

Pink Flamingo said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Best wishes! Please keep us posted.

Linney Shvede said...

praying for you...went through something similar, had me convinced it was lupus, but they say now it's fibromyalgia...I hope you have good news, and know whatever it is, we are all here praying and keeping you in our thoughts.

Karen said...

Keeping you in my thoughts in prayers. I've had some experience with this so if you ever want to chat send me an email.


Kate said...

You will definitely be in my prayers. Actually, you already are - Caroline has been including Landon (God Bless Landon & heal his arm) in her prayers ever since I told her about the little boy whose arm was hurt.

I agree with the poster who mentioned - it is hard when you are being amom to remember to take care of yourself. I am really enjoying this coming clean series!

kenady said...

I hope it's not too late to comment. I think that women in general are known for not taking care of themselves because there are so many other things that seem to take precedence... like our husbands, kids, work, etc. I don't do the best job at taking care of myself. I don't have any great "a ha" moments, I just know at times that something has got to give. I am praying that all will be well with you!