On the way back from Palm Springs, we stopped for lunch and met the cutest older couple. They were sitting next to us, admiring our (amazingly) well behaved kids. It was Mother's Day....
We started chatting, I noticed her North Carolina accent, we shared the pains of parenthood. She said hers were grown, she had grandchildren. Circle of life...
But while husband took the kids to the loo, she said something. Something we all think, but never say.
"I don't think I did a good enough job raising my kids".
When she said it I wanted to cry. She really seemed like the cutest mom and grandmother. Even her husband sitting across from her had a sweet smile. She was telling me she thought I was doing a great job. Her? Not so much.
How many times have we thought this?
I never think I am doing a good enough job, unless my kids show an extreme moment of kindness, or are just laughing and giggling with each other. Otherwise I question myself too. How good is good enough anyway?
Isn't this the trap? This is how we beat ourselves up. I told that woman I thought she did an amazing job. I know she did. I could tell she really cared. And you out there...You're doing an amazing job! You, you Mom's are heroes and you need to give yourself a break!
How about you? Have you asked yourself this?
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13 comments:
I certainly have...I think we all question ourselves. And if we didn't, I don't think we'd be giving ourselves the opportunity to grow and learn as parents.
I question myself if I could do something better but not if I'm doing a good enough job. Kind of the same thing but different in my opinion. I know in my heart I'm doing the best damn job I can do.... there are good days and bad ones but that's life. A friend and I have a running joke that motherhood is just sitting on the couch eating bon bons and drinking a Coke..... because seriously, it's the hardest, most important job there is. You have to laugh at yourself at times and roll with the punches then just keep on keeping on!!
I hope I am doing a good job. I model myself on my mom, who I think did an amazing job - five successful kids who all still talk to each other, but she doesn't think she did a good job. Maybe always trying harder is what makes a good parent.
Omg I've definitely thought this about myself and I'm only 1 year in! If Landon doesn't do something as early as another kid, I worry that I didn't teach him enough, or spend enough time with him or whatever. It's so ridiculous how hard all of us moms can be on ourselves when in the end, our kids are almost always great, intelligent people.
All the time! Just recently I was telling someone that I don't think I have been a very good mother.
That photo of the two of you is adorable!
Hope you're having a great holiday weekend.
xo E + J
I ask myself this a lot. But I get tiny bits of encouragement like when my friend told me last night that my 11 yr old was the most polite kid at the cookout. Shocked me! And this same kid and I candidly discussed "puberty" topics the other day (5th grade school unit)and I was ok with it as was he so this also made me feel better about the parent-child relationship we have. And how did you detect the woman's NC accent? Do we have one? Kidding!
I think we all question this. But I also think most of us that ask this question ARE doing a good job, otherwise we wouldn't care as much & the question would never cross our minds. Does that make sense? And there are those sparkling moments when our kids do or say something that reinforces that we are doing a good enough job. Unfortunately, they may not happen as much as we need them to in order to make us feel this way. But I still think we are doing a good enough job!
I think we all feel this from time to time..we all mother differently..when we read these blogs..I think Dang, I suck!! LOL! I am doing the best that i can right now and hope that the LOVE my children receive from me is never questioned..
I think anyone asking themselves this question is one step ahead. What really is enough....we can probably all do more but at the end of the day if our children are healthy, happy and know how to behave we are doing well.
I feel sad for that lady! No one wants regrets!
I'm definitely always questioning myself... Always have some damn parenting book on the bedside table. My mom was wonderful but I guess there are a few tweaks we like to make from one generation to the next and we just want to do the best we can in the time we are allotted.
Luckily it helps when Adam says, "Just look at them... they're happy and loved." In other words, relax, calm down, stop worrying. One of my friends says it best, "We're all doing the best we can."
Such an adorable picture! I love both of your dresses!
I feel sad for her too, I hope she can get to a point of feeling differently...
I definitely have felt/feel this, I would think most moms do. I know there are many things I can do better and I improve where I'm able. Some ways I've been successful and others not so much, saying "I'm sorry" is popular at our house. :)
Great post, thanks for the words of encouragement!!!
Oh and that picture needs to be sent to Lilly!!!:)
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