Real Housewives of New Jersey- Kim G Double Agent? Or worst actress EVER?

After an enjoyable night tweeting about the Bachelorette finale (OMG, she chose Roberto even though I had heard she chose no one! Hate Reality Steve!) I am back to my beloved New Jersey Housewives, or as Caroline Manzo calls them: The Houzewivez of New Jerzey.

When we last left the ladies, there was a sixteenth birthday, a fake 10th anniversary ring given, and of course some legal issues. Regular New Jersey stuff.

Theresa starts to plan Audriana's christening party at The Brownstone (I am having every party there from now on), and wants ice sculptures in the shape of a cross and Audrianas name.  Rather than sporting her normal Snooki Poof, Theresa had a more subdued giant sequined headband. Throughout this planning Joe is dying because "the money ain't flowin like it used to."

Danielle takes her now sixteen year old to her first gyno appointment and promptly grills her about sex. Now Danielle is incredibly virginal and demure so I can understand why she would be the perfect role model in this regard. This is like a stripper teaching ballet dancing.

Meanwhile Kim G is stalking her kid and the gorgeous fabulous Caroline Manzo's kid cause she wants to go to lunch. There were two problems with this. One, she needs to stop wearing leggings and sequin sweaters cause she is 74 years old, and two BUTT OUT! I can see why she wants face time with he Godfather (mother), Caroline Manzo rules the town, and it's people, so Kim G must have a special request.

Theresa dresses the girls and ready's herself for the most Italian christening ever. Every girl has a poofy dress, head band and jewelry. Joe is still annoyed about the money and would rather remain shirt free as usual. The fabulous Dina Manzo came back for this episode and sweet jesus I missed her. No one can rock a 10 pound earring better than her. Dina dresses the baby (who is so cute), and off they go. In the car Joe lectures "I hate when you throw a party", ie "stop spending money!".

Danielle goes over to double secret agent Kim G's house and uncovers yet another Danielle drama. She wants to look for her "real" mother who had her at fifteen. Kim G, tearful, offers to help. There's a love fest, but you know what's coming. Melt down city.

Back at the christening Audriana, drowning in layer after layer of lace, is baptized by a priest who's face is blurred out. Hoping this isn't because he's in the mafia. After, the party at the Brownstone turned out to be less over the top than I thought. The ice sculpture with Audrianas name on it was only four feet high with angel wings, there was bread saying god bless Audriana and Marie Antionette was serving sushi. No biggie. Dina, no stranger to a party, changed into a whole different dress and showed off the rhinestone cake and favors she came up with. Not tacky, just Theresa! Everyone bawled at Audriana first dance at the christening with her parents. Oh you didn't do a first dance at your christening? What's wrong with you? Oh you didn't have 200 people, a DJ, and a sit down dinner? I did! Wait. that was my wedding. Good luck Joe, you are going to the poor house for sure! LOL

Later with Danielle and the kids, she hears that Theresa knows all about her search for her Mom. Now Danielle knows that Kim G is a double agent. She leaves the table to call her ex con friend. She's gonna get even, but on her terms.

Caroline hears from her son that Kim G wants to go to lunch. She has no interest. "Kim will have her uh oh moment with Danielle, they all do". Spoken like a true Godmother.

Kim G is a famewhore, there's no doubt. She has been inserting herself into every situation. She shows up at Jacquelines house, bitching and moaning about Danielle. She says she's been up since 3am, because Danielle sent someone an email saying not to be friends with Kim G. She says she's been a good friend, but let's be serious she played Danielle. She was trying, just like in high school, to improve her social status and get in with the show and the Manzos. She got on the show because she befriended Danielle, but now wants to be friends with the other girls.

Danielle takes her ex con to ambush her soon to be ex best friend. Why they want to do this at a restaurant is beyond me. Maybe the restaurant is paying for the publicity! Come have dinner at Portabello! The place Kim G and Danielle had their blow out! Try the fettucine alfredo! Danielle shows up and sits down with double agent Kim G. At this point it would have been fabulous for Kim G to say "all is going as planned, they think I hate you, and I'm in with them!" BRILLIANT! But no, instead Kim G throws a napkin and says "you're a goddamn liar and a sneak". It was kinda funny to see her keep trying to escalate things like she had a beef with Danielle. Danielle looked more sane then ever before! She even tries to leave and Kim G curses her out the door! Why?

Because Kim G wants it to look like she is choosing to not be friends with Danielle, not that she was caught. She wants it to look like she hates Danielle and wants nothing to do with her because just like the others she's been screwed over. Nice try Kim G. And ps: calling someone "square tits" is not only not nice, but it's tacky. Tackier than Theresas christening party. And that's tacky.


Casey said...

I am dying - that was hilarious. I just found your I need to go back and read your take on other episodes.



Always Organizing said...

Best. Recap. Ever.

(I have been to the Brownstone for a bridal shower and it is over the top. You must have a party there. And I must be invited)


North of 25A said...

Hi! I am so happy to have found you via Powder Puffs & Pearls. Great blog - you are hilarious. I always feel better about myself when I find someone who loves Housewives as much as I do!
Best from Lawng Island,

Shelli @ Style Ingenuity said...

OMG I am still laughing as I type this comment! I saw this episode of the New Jersey Housewives and your recap was absolutely hilarious and right on the money!

I am definitely coming back for more recaps since now I am a "follower" (not to sound cultish).

Shelli @ :)

Kathie Truitt said...

I was disappointed in "Kim G." The first couple of times she was on the show she dressed/looked/acted so classy. She was called the 'matron of society' of Franklin Lakes. Ho-hum. She turns out to be just like the rest of them. Sad.