Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills- I thought I had a stroke but it was my false eyelashes making my eye look smaller

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills had a lot of hype but did not disappoint. I must admit that even though I live in Los Angeles, and am in Beverly Hills quite a bit, this is NOT the crowd I run in so I find it FASCINATING. The first episode was an introduction to the wives of Beverly Hills.

Lisa, Joan Collins looking British bomb shell has more money than God and lives in what looks like Caesar's Palace. They have spared no expense, I personally love the king bed by the pool. She's been married to Ken since she was 21. She says" My husband calls me a sex object, my husband asks for sex and I object". Hilarious. They have grown kids and are empty nesters unless you count their stupid little dog and fabulous gay houseboy. I loved Lisa right away. 

Adrienne Maloof, is the sister of the Maloof brothers that own the Palms in Las Vegas, a basketball team, a music label, and whatever else they feel like. She's married to Paul, but they already seem divorced. She is little and fiesty, and likes things her way. She also thinks Paul's an idiot. I personally think he is pretty sweet and she needs to be nicer! Adrienne is a big fan of a colorful silk blouse and rhinestone belt.

Camille Grammar, wants us all to know she is a dancer and she danced on club MTV and she is her own person. They even show her dancing and it is NOT GOOD. I want to tell her to thank her lucky stars she married Kelsey Grammar (yes they are already divorced). I think Camille missed the Bravo in house publicity meeting where they tell you what not to say on camera, and how to make people actually like you. For instance, admitting you have four nannies for two kids is retarded. Their house is amazing, pool, pond, tennis court, 17 acre wonderland. Kelsey says it's time for Camille to get a little attention. Oh, so that's what this is about. PS I am glad you really are Fraisure Crane, cause you are him in real life! Camille always says something inappropriate which makes her kinda fun.

Taylor Armstrong is the duck lipped wife of some big shot. She looks like a She-nene so it's hard to really listen to anything she says. She heads right over to Adriennes husband Paul to put some filler into her temples. She literally looked like the elephant man with the mumps. She is doing all of this because she thinks her husband will leave her for a twenty year old. She is constantly preparing to be left by him. She says her relationship is 80% business and 20% romance. Good God that is depressing. Can't wait to see what happens.

Kim Richards is the sister of Kathy Hilton. More than that she is the girl from Escape From Witch Mountain. I freaked out when she said this because I loved her! Despite this, she quickly became my least favorite on the show. A bad attitude, mixed with her obsession with her kids, and her clinging to her long gone career made me sick. She loved to tell how her niece Paris Hilton was amazed at how famous she is. Barf.

Kyle Richards is the sister of Kim, and seems to be the only normal one. Yes, she buts into her sisters life but at least she tells her the truth. They are co-dependent as hell so it's like watching to cats fight in a bag. She was a child actress as well. I remember her from Little House On The Prairie! Too funny. She seems like a good mother and wife and her husband Mauricio, seems like a sweetheart. I think I would really like to get into her closet and borrow her clothes. By far she has some of the best one liners.

The girls head to Sacramento to watch a Kings game (courtesy of Adrienne) and Kyle freaks out on the plane. She hates to fly. She apparently is a hypochondriac. She actually said one time "I thought I had a stroke but it was my fake eyelashes making my eye look smaller." Hysterical. Camille on the other hand loves to stop the conversation with phrases like "cover your rat". Pretty. She even danced these sexy dances with the basketball team mascot. KLASSY.  Kim just dials out and puts up a wall when she's with he girls. Kind of a party pooper.

What's next for these ladies? Cat fights, betrayals, sex, divorce and a lot of botox. That's how they do it in Beverly Hills.