Ask The Mrs- It's A Sickness

I am starting a new series within my blog called: Ask The Mrs. I get questions all the time from Mom's and I usually answer them privately. I started thinking that maybe it would help others to share my answers and open the floor up for discussion. We can all learn from each other!

My daughter was invited to a birthday party last year and when we arrived the Mother announced that the birthday girl had the flu. After this awkward announcement the party continued with everyone trying to avoid going near the birthday girl. Then she threw up. They never stopped the party. It was awful. This year, her daughters party is here yet again. Then my daughter comes home and says the little girl has been out sick from school for three days. I called the school and they confirmed she was out sick. Then I get an email from her Mother saying, "Can't wait for the party! See you there!" I am not sending my daughter to the party, but I have to let them know don't I? I want to tell them how rude this is. Can I? What should I say?

- G


If I had a dollar for every person I would love to tell how RUDE they are, I would have $1,233,476.00. There is no point in trying to "teach" someone a lesson, instead focus on what is right for your family. You do need to let them know you are not going to be there, but depending how close a friend the child or mother is, sending an email would be fine. If you feel a call would be better, then just remember to focus on yourself. Tell the mother that you are going to sit this party out. If pressed for a reason, you can say that you don't want your daughter to get sick. Now at this point you know that she will launch into some BS excuse of how her daughter is not sick, and she just kept her home from school as a precaution, but her track record on being truthful is not good. Just be calm and repeat you won't be there and apologize. You don't want to hurt your child's relationship with her friend. Try to keep it cool.

Now it's your turn to weigh in? What are your thoughts? 


LWH said...

Ohhhh...parents who don't take precautions make me crazy!

I'd send an email or call (whatever you're most comfortable with and whatever form of communication is most common in this relationship) and give my regrets very simply: "I'm sorry, but Susie isn't able to attend this year. We'll drop Amy's gift by sometime over the weekend."

If the mother asks why, I'd be honest and say, "I'm keeping Susie at home because I understand that Amy has been out of school sick for the last 3 days. After last year's party sickness, I'm not comfortable exposing my daughter unnecessarily."

Keep your tone positive, but firm. If really pressed you could say that you understand that kids get sick, and how disappointing it would be to cancel a party due to illness, but that you just don't think it wise or responsible to expose children unnecessarily and that as parents its your job to make the tough decisions. You could be construed as talking about your own decision to keep your daughter home, but it can also be read as HER responsibility to make the same tough call and cancel the party.

Good luck and let us know how it goes!

Anonymous said...

While I know kids (and adults) are around others who are sick all the time, I would not send my child because I think it is rude of the mother to not even think of the others but how much fun is her sick child having at her own party? Why not re-schedule?

Mrs. Mix-it said...

I would not send my daughter to the party or let her attend. There is always somthing you can do instead, like go to the movies or to a amusement park that day. However, I would not RSVP yes if I knew this was the history either. I would call and explain gently and why we were not going if we had already RSVP'd.
Good Luck!

Bella Michelle said...

That is just horrible (the sick child's Mom) could she do that to her child and her little friends? Parties can be rescheduled...other parents UNDERSTAND and appreciate it.

Just this past Sunday we hosted my youngest son's party and I was so pleased when a Mom dropped in sans child to deliver a birthday gift because her son was sick...she understood!

Muffy said...

Terrible! I agree with LWH. That is exactly what I would do. What is WRONG with that woman?!

Brie said...

Definitely wouldn't send my child to the party but I would probably tell a fib about why. It's like you said - you just can't teach people manners at this point and I too would be a bazillionaire if I had a dollar for all I found to be rude :)

Cookie Crums said...

Sounds to me as though the mother is more into the party for herself than her child. What sick kid is going to really enjoy the party?!

I would not let my child attend. If a close friend, I'd call. Not so close....I'd email.

Ouiser Boudreaux said...

Oooooh I LOVE the new "ask the Mrs." series!!! I've long ago given up reading the entire paper cover to cover but I still try to catch the Ask Amy / Miss Manners section.

Naturally, I agree with you wholeheartedly. We all know moms that put "social activities" ahead of their kids, heck I'm sure I've done it a time or two but your advice is spot on.

I can't wait for more questions!

Dawn (Bee and Rose) said...

I love Ask The Mrs.! This is gonna be big, my friend!

(Great answer, btw!)