Devastated- My Nanny Who Was Stealing

When I hired my life saver of a Nanny, I brought her into my family. Her problems were my problems. Her dreams were my dreams. I knew she was exceptional and I was grateful for her every day. I felt like I had hired Marry Poppins. That is, until I realized she was stealing from me.

Things had been going missing for years, but I blamed it on Mommy brain. I just could not believe it was my Nanny who was so amazing and loved my kids. Even when I got a sick feeling about things that were gone, I ignored it and pushed on. When I asked Nanny about the missing things she said no way would she steal.

Over Christmas a few gifts had gone missing. There was no one else in the house but her, no one else could have taken things, but still...I kept my Nanny.

Until this last week when a friend, who also used my Nanny, told me not only was my Nanny stealing from her, but she had proof. There is was, my Nanny's name on a receipt, proven she had stolen.

We confronted her, she denied everything except what she was caught in. A few days later she admitted to more. I realize now, I did not know this person at all.

I find myself missing the old her, wishing I had never found out about her dark side. I also am starting to realize I was too dependent on her. My kids have not even mentioned her, or realized she's gone, I however have been sick about it. I feel betrayed, violated, confused, angry and sad. As I process this, I have learned from all my Mommy friends about their stories of Nanny's and stealing. Is this an epidemic? Do I need to start a support group for tired mothers who refuse to believe the one person making their life easier is a thief?

What's your experience? Have a nanny? Has one ever stolen from you? Do you refuse to have one? Love yours?

34 comments:

Catherine said...

Sadly, this happens all the time! Did you use an agency? If so, you might be protected. It is important that you file a police report. This way, when a prospective employer checks her out, well . . . you get it. Is she young? You might be better off with someone older who would be less tempted by your pretties.

Bella Michelle said...

Wow. That is so hard and I would share your feelings of betrayal and anger and that awful feeling that someone you didn't know (not YOUR fault) was so close to your family. So far, I haven't had any negative experiences with our domestic help, except a broken blind which was attempted to be hidden (she paid for replacement as her helper apparently did it and she wasn't aware...haven't seen said helper again). I wish I had some magical words to make you feel at peace with this experience. (((hugs)))

Mom on the Run said...

I've never had a nanny, but when I was pregnant with J4, my friends got together and paid for a cleaning lady as a birthday gift of "pampering". Little did I know until months later, after my swelled hands had gone down when J4 was about 3 mos. old, that she'd helped herself to my engagement ring.

Soooo sick about it, and couldn't prove a thing. Since then, we rarely have cleaning people or anybody in our house. Burned.

S said...

I am so sorry to hear about this! What a violation of you and your family. I hope you can find someone new who is loving and trustworthy.

Brie said...

UGH - that stinks. Not so fabulous is right. I am sorry :(

lizziefitz said...

So sad, I am sorry this happen to you.

anya said...

Oh we also have the nanny's relatives checked out! May sound like too much, but a brother, boyfriend, cousin or nephew can be the bigger problem!
Sorry for your experience - I am glad that the kids are OK with her gone.
Anya

Pretty Personal Gifts said...

You are not alone, that's all I can say.

When people that you trust let you down it's a really hard thing to get over.

I feel your pain!

Muffy said...

That is the very reason Skipp won't allow us to have help. "Why would we let someone in the house alone to take our things?" I haven't really fought him about it becuase I know he is right. SAD.

LPC said...

So sorry. I have never had this experience, but my grandmother was robbed of scads of jewelery, by her caregiver...

LPC said...

So sorry. I have never had this experience, but my grandmother was robbed of scads of jewelery, by her caregiver...

PAP said...

WOW...i'm so sorry for you and your family! I will say, ALL nannies aren't stealers. I was a nanny for a year (through a nanny agency) after college and I wouldn't have ever considered or even entertain the thought of stealing their stuff....i'm not sure how you'd filter out the bad ones though bc unless they have it on their record, you won't know :(

Pat & Amy Plus 1 said...

Shoot, I meant to send you a comment under my blog email and sent it under my craigslist email! whoopsie!

bevy said...

We've never had this happen... But I am feeling sick for you!

Clare said...

i just read this on my reader, and had to write you. that is horrible! i would be so nervous to let anyone else in my house. i can't believe she denied it too!! i hope you are ok!

The 5 Bickies said...

So disappointing to hear this about your Nanny. I have never had a nanny nor had anyone steal from me who worked for me. I was robbed once and felt completely violated and still miss the one of a kind jewelry that was stolen.

Glad your kids are ok but so sorry you are feeling so sick about it.

The Chic Chauffeur said...

I know how you feel. It's awful. A friend of ours son stole from the pocketbooks of guests we had at a party once. We have never really gotten over it.

Heidi said...

Absolutely HEART-BREAKING! I had a house keeper once who had been stealing over a period of time. I had a gut feeling from day one... but it took quite awhile to prove! It make you sad!

Debra said...

Oh, I am so sorry. I am sure that is a horrible feeling. We have never had a nanny, or even had someone who was not family or a close friend watch my daughter. We have had cleaning people that I have watched like a hawk though.

At least your beautiful babies are safe and sound!

Preppy 101 said...

So sorry this happened to you. It is such a violation on many levels. xoxo

SnackyJackie said...

So sad!!! Sorry for your losses. It must be very difficult. You believed, trusted and loved her. So sad. :,(

Nicole said...

Gasp! Darling, I'm SO sorry. I imagine the violation of trust is more hurtful than anything stolen.

I know you say you wish you didn't know but I for one am glad you do know the truth!

hugs and snuggles,
Ms. Ouiser

Mrs. R said...

That is crazy!! You have a heart of gold for giving her a chance and trying to have faith in her. What a disappointment.

Henley on the Horn said...

I am so sorry. We allowed a sitter to live with us one summer when she had no where to go. It turns out she was self-mutilating, and it broke our hearts. At the same time, we were concerned about our children's safety. It is tough to have help b/c you never know who they really are sometimes. I am no longer jaded.

GOODE TIME GIRLS! said...

So sad! Never a nanny, but a housecleaner. She cleaned for 8 of my friends, and she was stealing painkillers from all of us. She knew we had all just had babies, so she took the medicine when cleaning. The lady who was cleaning with her finally ratted her out because she wanted a raise. We all fired both of them. Except for one of my friends. She felt bad for the other girl and kept her. About 2 months later, that girls wedding ring went missing. She was out running and left it in her jewelry box. All for prescription drugs!! So sad!! Now, my cleaning lady comes on saturday while I am at home. You are not alone! I felt violated totally!! Hope things get better! XO KJ

Happy Homemaker said...

WHAAAT??? I am shocked! That makes me feel a little sick! I am pretty naive, I guess. So sorry this happened- that would definitely give me pause.

CashmereLibrarian said...

Thank you for the heads-up. I have cleaning people and I'm really lazy about leaving everything out, especially my jewelry. I need to be more vigilant.

Pineapple Girl said...

That is just awful!

University of Iowa Meg said...

Wow. I am so sorry this happened to you. Don't be discouraged, not all nannies or babysitters are like this! I am one...and could never think of doing something like that. Maybe install a nanny cam...if you get another sitter that is. But totally understand the betrayal...how awful!

Shell said...

So sorry that happened to you! On the bright side...at least she didn't try to steal the Mister! xoxo

Always Organizing said...

Terrible!!! I am so sorry that this happened to you and your family.

Preppy Sue said...

That's terrible, I feel badly that you were taken advantage of by someone you trusted!

Maureen said...

That's the worst. It leaves you with such a sick feeling. Plus is there anyone you need to trust more than the person who is watching your kids?

Kate said...

This is just awful!! I'm so sorry. As a nanny I just couldn't imagine stealing from my employers (or anyone really). I hope you can file a complaint of some sort and make sure that any agencies she's with know about this!!

Don't lose hope though. There are amazing nannies out there (me, Amanda, and Shelley to name a few you've met ;)