Landon is not a victim. He doesn't feel sorry for himself. This is the only arm he has and is normal to him. We get stares sometimes, and I have tried to arm Landon for what to say about it. I even made a snapfish picture book about what happened and what a miracle he is.
But today, out of nowhere it happened.
Uglyness. Unkind words. Meanness. All of which I cannot stand....
I heard a kid calling out to me as I picked Landon up. At first I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
"What is wrong with his arm? That's DISGUSTING".
What?
Praise the lord Landon was nowhere near.
"His arm is DISGUSTING."
I hold on to myself. This is a child. Calm yourself. Don't cry. Don't scream.
"It's not disgusting, it's a miracle. The doctors were going to have to cut off Landon's arm but they saved it. It's a miracle."
At first he was accepting of this answer but then...
"I don't like it. It's old looking"
"It's as old as he is. Six years old."
Landon runs over I walk away leaving a VERY HORRIFIED teachers aid to explain more. Please God give me patience....
He called us over.
"I want to see his arm".
Landon comes over and says his memorized line:
"I was born with it".
This child starts to rattle off all the things Landon "cannot" do. You can't play golf, basketball, with that arm.
Now the teachers aids blood is boiling.
"Yes he can. He can do anything you can do."
We left. The teachers aid was mouthing "love you" to me. She was happy we tried to teach this kid about miracles. I was upset. I asked Landon if anyone was mean about his arm. He said everyone was "pretty nice". It's hard. I want to help him but, no victims here.
Later I realized.
This is why. Why he came to me.
I am the perfect mother for Landon. This is what was meant to be. I can help him. I can defend him. I can teach people that saying "disgusting" is not right. I can help him be the best he can be. I am brave and he is brave.
And nothing is "disgusting" about that.
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21 comments:
You were what every child needs in this situation--you were a loving mother.
I have a little niece (15 months) who is fed through a tube in her stomach. She is a darling and a blessing to everyone in her family and everyone she meets --she loves to smile and she scrunches her nose when she smiles. (I know that other young children don't understand it but her 3 brothers--7,6 and 3 all love this little girl beyond compare)
You have a blessing in your young son. A blessing because he is his own person. He is a walking miracle. I had a blood clot and I wear a compression stocking on one leg as a result.
That was just one child. A young child who doesn't know any better. Sometimes children and adults for that matter need filters on what they say but they do not have them. I have had young children say they are afraid of me because they think I have a fake leg. I am an adult so it is not the same as what was said to your son.
This will make your son a stronger person because you know he can move past it and be the wonderful person that he has been with his family and friends.
It was bound to happen. So many children are not taught compassion. Yes, you ARE the perfect Mom he was sent to. You have taught him to be brave and have compassion for others. He CAN do anything anyone else can do with that arm and is an outstanding athlete. His strength will come from home. He will grow tougher to those kinds of comments as time goes on, but these first years out in the world will be a testing ground. As you know just keep on reinforcing what a miracle he is and how precious he is to all those who love him. Fortunately, that kid will be the exception. I know he is only a child, but a child who has not been taught to accept differences. It's not the same thing, but I was made fun of because I had bad acne by a couple of boys in Middle School. As it turned out, they ended up with TERRIBLE acne in high school. Even at that young age I understood Karma. I don't wish anything bad to happen to that child, but somewhere along the way he will have to learn the lessons of compassion and they may not be easy lessons. Landon will excel in everything he tries and that will be the balance. I went to school with a guy who had a badly scarred arm. I'm sure he was bullied, but I never heard about it. He is now an agent with the DEA. Life has something very special coming for Landon. He will be strong, loving and compassionate because he is being taught that at home. My heart is broken for him. We love him dearly.
Love,
CeCe
Im crying for you mama - and you are right, we all get the children we need...and they get the moms they need. We learn so much from them, especially about ourselves.
Did you ever see that show Big Love? My very favourite scene is when one of the moms goes to the school and sorts out her son's bully.
Children have to be taught compassion and understanding. Unfortunately, many kids aren't being raised by people who teach their kids that everyone is different, and wonderful, and amazing. That every person has amazing talents and gifts to offer the world. That life is beautiful.
This is also something that scares me.
My heart breaks reading this, and I am so glad Landon wasn't around to hear the kid say some of those awful things. It sounds like this kid's parents need to teach him about respecting people's differences and being kind instead of saying such mean things. I think you and the teacher's aide did a great job handling this. You are an awesome mommy and are helping Landon grow up to believe he can do whatever he wants regardless of his arm. He is a miracle and you are the perfect mom for him, just like you said.
Beautifully put. You handled it SO SO well!! So true. We had a child say things yesterday too ..she would not stop asking whose tummy Kate was born from. I told her she was born in my heart but we don't know whose tummy. She refused to accept it and was being a little difficult about it. My heart broke for Kate as she was right there. These things make our ids stronger and when we deal with it with both compassion and grace, they learn that too!!!!
Kim
He is perfect. just like his mama.
You are so right -- you ARE the mommy that was given this wonderful child as a blessing and you will do great things for him! My youngest has had some issues in the last year that I have said aloud to many a friend and family member how "I wish I could be the one to deal with it and not him" and my mother said the most profound thing to me that just really finally clicked; she said, "maybe he is the one who can deal with this better than any of us". And I think that is very true. As much as we as mothers would like to take away the burdens that our children may have to deal with, it's all part of a grand plan and there is a reason that these things happen. And they can learn to deal with it. It sounds like Landon is just taking it in stride and he will continue to, especially with a mom like you who teaches him so well!
Love you sweet momma !!!!xoxo
Oh, that makes me sad. But you handled it so well as did sweet Landon and the teacher. :)
How awful.
I volunteered in my son's K classroom and lunchroom last week. I was disturbed how much teasing went on.
Those kids are going to be together a lot - like all day. They need to be nice to make the day nice. I am thinking of going in and reading some titles like (ones you may like too
"stand tall mary lou melon" "enemy pie" "spaghetti on a hot dog bun"
Sorry for the crappy event. Landon is lucky to have one fabulous mom to remind him he rocks.
This is horrible but I adore the way you handled it with the boy and for your positivity. Your son is learning great lessons from you and will grow so grateful to have you as his Mom.
What a lucky boy that gorgeous Landon is to have you, the perfect mama for him.
I agree with Melissa...a boy and his mom. You two were definitely made for each other. I had never read his story. Had no idea he was such a miracle baby. Trust your instinct is one of my values...to the core.
OMG. Landon is a lucky boy to have you for his mom. Blessings and prayers for you both, and for those who made the insensitive remarks.
Fantastic post about a beautiful boy! I have two boys with severe autism and mental handicaps. I've dealt with some of the same difficult situations - even from members of my own family. Hugs to you both!
Oh bless your heart, I know it has to be breaking. You are right, God placed Landon where he needs to be and because of you he is going to do great things. Sending love and prayers your way.
I have read your blog from afar, and wanted to pass along the website of tony memmel, who plays guitar with one full sized arm. http://tonymemmel.com/wp/. Tony played with my daughters choir last year and we all fell in love with his will-do spirit. in fact, my pre-school son drew a picture of a "tony memmel snowman" with stick arms of different lengths. It's amazing how tolerance is really a natural feeling. You are doing amazing job teaching your son that he do anything!
I hope the teacher's aid told his mother and embarrassed her. I'm so wrong for that!!! You handled it perfectly though. My oldest just started middle school and we've already had a "situation." Kids are cruel! Luckily, it seems to fly off my son's back and he is a confident fellow. It's the kids lacking confidence that feed on those with it and try to break their spirits. You're doing the right thing and he will be just fine. It's a mom's heart that takes most of the battering. Sigh...
we are created in his image..God doesn't make mistakes..He is beautiful and..loved.
It's a miracle and it should be viewed as such, especially by Landon.
There is no greater pain that a mom feels than when her kids are hurt.
Hang in there mom!
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